So, the exercise at this week’s Poets’ Place was to reboot a classic, put our own spin on it.
Thus, inspired by To his coy mistress, I give you:
To her dauntless suitor
or, A response to a latter day Andrew Marvell
Had you but words enough and charm
Your poems, sir, would do no harm.
We’d sit, drink coffee and discuss
The mathematic wonders of the universe.
You’d mention language and we could look
Into the tomes of Grimm and Chomsky’s books
And precious stones would be valued less
Than the geological formations where they rest.
Given all of this, I understand you feel
That our mental chemistry is ideal,
But sir, for all your wit and smarts
And your in-depth studies of the romantic arts
I think more time could best be spent
On the important question of consent.
A meeting of two magpie minds is
Not merit enough to claim a kiss
Nor is a laugh, a touch or smile
Always invitation writ in feminine wiles.
You’re funny, clever, and rather fine
But to persist like this is still a crime.
And while on the topic why believe
In these antiquated notions of virginity?
I’ve seen your style: you’ll coax, cajole and plead
Then call her used goods once you’ve done the deed.
After all a good girl’s coy for now,
But a just-tilled field has no need for a plough.
No, Mr Marvell for all your poetic hype
Your verses reek of misogynistic tripe.
So think on this as alone to bed you go
I’ll sleep with you when Hell lies under snow.
You’ll curse and warn I’ll end up on the shelf
But know this –
Whatever you offer, I’ll do it better myself!