Riffing on a theme

by leahatherton13

So, the exercise at this week’s Poets’ Place was to reboot a classic, put our own spin on it.

Thus, inspired by To his coy mistress, I give you:


To her dauntless suitor

or, A response to a latter day Andrew Marvell


Had you but words enough and charm

Your poems, sir, would do no harm.

We’d sit, drink coffee and discuss

The mathematic wonders of the universe.

You’d mention language and we could look

Into the tomes of Grimm and Chomsky’s books

And precious stones would be valued less

Than the geological formations where they rest.

Given all of this, I understand you feel

That our mental chemistry is ideal,

But sir, for all your wit and smarts

And your in-depth studies of the romantic arts

I think more time could best be spent

On the important question of consent.

A meeting of two magpie minds is

Not merit enough to claim a kiss

Nor is a laugh, a touch or smile

Always invitation writ in feminine wiles.

You’re funny, clever, and rather fine

But to persist like this is still a crime.

And while on the topic why believe

In these antiquated notions of virginity?

I’ve seen your style: you’ll coax, cajole and plead

Then call her used goods once you’ve done the deed.

After all a good girl’s coy for now,

But a just-tilled field has no need for a plough.

No, Mr Marvell for all your poetic hype

Your verses reek of misogynistic tripe.

So think on this as alone to bed you go

I’ll sleep with you when Hell lies under snow.

You’ll curse and warn I’ll end up on the shelf

But know this –

Whatever you offer, I’ll do it better myself!